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Monday, March 19, 2012

New Beginnings

It's been a while since I last blogged anything. Time has flown past and so many things have happened, good and bad. I happened to read someone else's blog and it inspired me to update my own. I can't promise I'll stick with it daily, weekly or monthly, but I'm here for now.

So, my kids are all grown up. They will all be in their 20's this year, God willing. I still remember the first day I took the oldest to kindergarten, and when the twins went also. I remember thinking, I have just a little more time before I could also have the youngest in school too and then I'd have a little more time to myself. Those years flew past, mercifully, and now they're all in college. They're getting old.

I couldn't take classes this past semester due to some financial setbacks but I plan to go this summer. Funny enough, my son is taking a class with me this summer. That should be interesting. The previous semester I had a class with my oldest daughter, she didn't finish the course. I don't know if I felt a little betrayed by that at first. I mean, her not finishing somehow, in my mind, reflected on my character. The professor never asked why she didn't continue but he knew she was my daughter and I imagined in my mind that somehow I had failed to teach her to stick with things even when they seemed a little rough at the moment. But in her defense, she was going through a very hard and emotional time. I might be able to talk about that later in more detail but not right now. My youngest has struggled this semester also...I attribute it to burn out. Not everyone can push through a full load during back to back semesters. They aren't me, I have to come to that realization sometimes that they aren't clones of myself. We handle stress differently.

I would like to share that the best decision I made was in October 2011 to renew my faith in Jesus and get back involved in church. Honestly, I've never been at more peace and happier in life. I've been going to a church for the majority of my life. Out of 40+ years, I can say I've probably not faithfully attending services for maybe 12 of them and those were some of the darkest days of my life, literally. Devoid of any true connection with God, life was as hopeless as having a glazed doughnut for a lifesaver in the middle of the ocean. I went through depressions, I had thoughts of suicide, my relationships with spouses, family and friends were tense and some were non-existent. I had nothing to look forward to but my eventual demise and who would miss me?

Looking back on events, I can see how God was working with me, setting events and people into my life that would call me back to the joy and love that I knew as a child, when I wasn't so caught up in what the world had to offer (illusions of wealth, fun and love). There's not enough praise I can give the Lord for taking me out of the world I once lived in. And as a bonus, me and my husband were baptized on the same day so me and my best friend can truly share everything with one another. Our hopes, our dreams and our faith. When people aren't really practicing their faith they sometimes think nothing of attaching to someone who has little to nothing in common with it. I've been there and done that. It's hard when you try to get back into it and you don't have that support from the person who's supposed to be the closest to you. Not that it can't be done, it's just harder. So I thank God for a husband who has a common belief as mine. And to make the prize even sweeter, my children are also more involved in church so we can now worship as a family.

I had to add this to my blog because it's an important part of who I am and my growth as a person. I don't plan to preach but I will share what I learn and know. Hopefully someone will get something positive out of reading about my life experiences. I hope that it will bring them some happiness, laughter or peace in their lives. I hope that it will give someone hope that life does get better and to hang in there. I hope you enjoyed reading this post. God bless.