Gonna try this again, here I come pillows!

Everything was going so well. I felt tired. I was yawning, my eyes felt like they needed to be closed. Me and my little nephew were in the bed after I read him his bedtime story and I could have sworn I had fallen asleep. But here I am almost five hours later, fully awake trying to figure out what the heck happened. Am I not tired because I didn't get out of bed until after 1pm yesterday? I don't believe I had any more caffeine than usual and I'm not stressed or worried about anything. I simply don't feel sleepy.

I have things to do in the morning, places to go, people to see and I don't want to do it if I'm going to feel like a zombie. On top of that I have one sick kid, I decided to keep my 2yr old nephew a couple of more days and I have my other two nephews (7 & 8) to watch over. So I'm going to try this again. I had a slice of left over pizza and some tea because I felt hungry. I've played all the Facebook games I want to play, I've chatted with family and friends and now I'm blogging. Sometimes doing so clears my head of the day's static enough for me to shut down my brain for a few hours of decent sleep. So goodnight or rather good morning. My pillows and eye mask await my arrival. ;>p

Please Pimp My Ride...LOL

I love my minivan although I never, in a million years, thought I'd ever drive one. I had high hopes, my dream car was an '89 Mustang, white with a sports scoop on the back. It was the one thing I was earnestly working towards...until I had kids. It didn't happen immediately after I had my children. The decision was made one day when I realized that they were getting bigger & taller and I was getting tired of their knees being in my back as we rode in the car. They were too close to me, so close at times I could hear them breathing and often hear them too well (arguing, laughing loudly, singing loudly, begging for things loudly). I needed space and a van afforded the space we all so desperately needed.

There are still times when we are driving down the road and I see a Mustang at a light, parked or driving past and I say aloud, most of the time, that I will have the car of my dreams one day. It will most likely be when my kids are truly grown and away from home and if by chance I happen to have grand children they will have to fit in the car. I figure if I don't make room then people won't assume I have the room and try to leave me with their kids. I want to be able to take quiet evening or weekend drives alone or with a friend, no kids allowed. ;-p

I've had a few vans and the van I have now...there are so many things I love about it and so many things I hate about it. I have heated leather seats...heated! In the midst of a MI winter those are the most awesome creations man has ever come up with! I also love how the rear seats disappear into the floor. I've been able to move furniture, kids, animals and merchandise in it without problems. The entertainment system is great, the speakers, the CD/DVD player, cassette player (for those of us who still have them) and there are even ports to hook up video games or a portable TV if you want. The gas mileage isn't bad and when I first got it all the gadgets that make the doors open automatically were a dream. I could be walking towards my car with my arms full, push a button and voila! the doors would open for me and with a push of the button I could close them just as easily. In the winter it was heaven sent but not anymore...something happened and the car went all HAL on me. (2001: A Space Odyssey, if you didn't catch that HAL reference.)

I'm disappointed in how many times I've had to change the brakes, rotors & other little engine problems I've had with it. Add the electrical problems and my beautiful van soon became a monster. If it weren't for the aforementioned features of the van I would have gotten rid of it long ago, it's fully loaded. The newer standard models don't come with the features I have and after careful consideration, if I traded in what I have for something newer my note wouldn't be that much lower and a lot of the newer vehicles still have some of the same malfunctions. Despite those things I'd still keep my van over the dreaded car I used to have any day...I hated that car almost more than I hate my 2nd ex husband (may he enjoy the bites of many bed bugs for years to come).

It's getting colder and I need to winterize my vehicle. I need to get new tires & an alignment (I shouldn't need brakes again but I wouldn't be surprised if I'm told I do) check my belts, hoses & fluids, make sure all of my fuses are good, get a new battery, reconnect some wires that got severed, do a little body work because of a run in my sister had with an immobile pole and just do a general detailing inside and out. I used to think having a vehicle would be the best thing ever. No more taking a bus in the dead of winter, freezing my tush off. I thought this one guy was crazy because he told me that he'd never owned a vehicle in his life and never would because he saved more money not doing so. I didn't understand that logic until maybe 10 years ago when I had to pay my first car note, insurance, repairs, fuel and whatnot. I guess if I lived in a city where bus services were abundant I could see not necessarily needing a vehicle just like he did, unfortunately I don't so I'll have to push on.

Haven't Been That Cold In A While

This is a picture of me in late November of last year. I have on my winter jacket, my scarf and that brown thing is a hoodie sweater.

It took a while for me to leave the house today to handle some business. Really all I had to do was go check on the dog (10 minute drive), take him for a walk and possibly go to the store for a few staple items to add to the pantry. By the time I walked from my car to the house to get the dog I knew that I wasn't going back outside without adding another layer to my wardrobe, all I had had on was a sweatshirt with a t-shirt under it and some jogging pants. Not nearly enough clothing to deal with the wind that seemed to be swirling around my exposed neck and down my spine. It was at that point in time when I really wished I had on my winter jacket, scarf and gloves. I'm not exaggerating, I really was that cold. So I took a fleece jacket from the closet and zipped it up to my neck. I was thankful that the jacket was three sizes too big because it completely covered my hands and came mid-thigh on me. I walked the dog for about 15 minutes and quickly made my way back to the apartment. Supposedly it was 55F today but with that wind blowing it felt more like 40F to me. My ears were hurting from the wind blowing in them and so I did the only reasonable thing I could...I sat there for a couple of minutes with my hands over my ears until I didn't feel like my eardrums were going to burst.

I was so discouraged from leaving right away to go back home that I ended up making myself a couple of corn dogs, I ate a bowl of watermelon, watched the Bio channel (they did the life story of Don Adams...I love his work, I had to watch it) and then I decided to take a nap for about an hour. I ended up sleeping for three hours, on my back, on the living room floor. I was startled awake when I heard keys jingling and also when the dog decided to drop his squeak toy next to my head. Up until that point in time the furry boy (his name is Oso) had been resting quietly upstairs on the bed and I hadn't heard a peep out of him.

I could have walked up the stairs and slept in the bed instead of torturing my neck and back on the living room floor but I just couldn't muster up the energy.

Anyways, I hadn't been that cold in a long time and I thought that maybe I was ready for cooler weather but after today I was indeed shocked back into the reality of what Fall is really like in Michigan. It's cute though, I saw a mother and daughter walking near the library and they were in their winter gear. I see it as an opportunity to find cute winter accessories to match with whatever coat I may have this year. Last year I wore blue, this year I think I'll do some shade of brown. Time to pull out the winter stuff and put away the summer things. Even if we had a fluke day of warm weather the time for tank tops, shorts and flip flops is over here in MI. We really only have two seasons...Warm enough and Cold enough. LOL

Let's not do that again...

Have you ever been in a place or state of mind quiet enough to hear all the background noises around you? It's 1:01 a.m. and normally it would be pretty quiet around here. The girls would be asleep, thankfully most of my neighbors are even quiet and so the only thing I can hear as I sit here and play on my computer is the humming of the fridge and the occasional buzz of the overhead light. But tonight I'm hearing the exhaust fan in the bathroom because my daughter is flat ironing her hair. She's also playing music on her phone (I'm amazed at the volume and clarity of the speakers on that thing...maybe I should look into getting me one of those but then again I hardly use my MP3 as it is).

My quiet early morning reflections are no longer quiet and I find myself wondering why I'm awake because there was a short period of time when I was doing so well. I got to bed around 11pm, no later than midnight and I woke up at a decent hour, in the morning. But as I think back, this detour from that pattern started a couple of weeks ago when I got sick and it all started with what seemed like a UTI. I got that all cleared up and then the stuff really hit the fan and this time it was uglier than usual because it happened during one of my sleep study nights.

I wanted to lop everything off from the shoulders up...my throat felt like it was swelling shut, my sinuses were draining and I had a hacking cough that wouldn't quit. I had a headache that felt like someone was trying to give me a lobotomy with no anesthesia and I guess I must have been clenching my jaw from the pain because soon my whole lower jaw felt like it needed to be unhinged. Then there was the fever, the body aches, the hallucinations. I don't know what kind of bug I had but I couldn't wait for it to leave but the glory of all that was I still refused to go the hospital even though I thought I was dying. After all, they weren't going to give me anything that I didn't already have at home. Pain meds, fluids and rest, unfortunately that wasn't all I needed.

In the end, as I lay in the emergency room with an IV in my arm, I was pumped full of antibiotics because I had developed a nasty infection (ear & eye) on top of a good bout of bronchitis. Have I learned my lesson in not self diagnosing/medicating? We'll see the next time I get sick. I really hate going to the doctor. By the way, that picture above is the walkway outside the emergency unit of the hospital I went to. For some reason I felt the need to stand outside and wait for my ride after my three hour ordeal inside. I didn't want there to be even a remote possibility that they might find something else wrong with me.

Anyhow, this all started another phase of insomnia, staying up until the wee hours of the morning and falling to sleep after I got the youngest gal off to school and sleeping until noon or later. I'm starting to believe that my insomnia may indeed be hormonally related. The one ovary the docs left me with back in 2005 seems to be doing a number on me. I'm not sure when full menopause will hit, I'm only 39 so I figure if the one ovary keeps pumping out hormones as it was designed I may not until I get in my 60's, maybe my 70's...I have no idea when it's supposed to happen. I asked my granny once, she's 82 and she told me she doesn't remember when it happened but I noticed in talking to some of my aunts who are in their mid to late 50's that we seem to have the same symptoms.

I'll admit this much, there's nothing that's been textbook about me (medically, that is). Before my hysterical (my ex-husbands play on words for hysterectomy) my doc told me that the problems I was having he had only seen in 45-50 year old women. Seems I'm aging faster on the inside than I am on the outside. It keeps life interesting that's for sure. ;-}