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Saturday, September 26, 2009

Let's not do that again...

Have you ever been in a place or state of mind quiet enough to hear all the background noises around you? It's 1:01 a.m. and normally it would be pretty quiet around here. The girls would be asleep, thankfully most of my neighbors are even quiet and so the only thing I can hear as I sit here and play on my computer is the humming of the fridge and the occasional buzz of the overhead light. But tonight I'm hearing the exhaust fan in the bathroom because my daughter is flat ironing her hair. She's also playing music on her phone (I'm amazed at the volume and clarity of the speakers on that thing...maybe I should look into getting me one of those but then again I hardly use my MP3 as it is).

My quiet early morning reflections are no longer quiet and I find myself wondering why I'm awake because there was a short period of time when I was doing so well. I got to bed around 11pm, no later than midnight and I woke up at a decent hour, in the morning. But as I think back, this detour from that pattern started a couple of weeks ago when I got sick and it all started with what seemed like a UTI. I got that all cleared up and then the stuff really hit the fan and this time it was uglier than usual because it happened during one of my sleep study nights.

I wanted to lop everything off from the shoulders up...my throat felt like it was swelling shut, my sinuses were draining and I had a hacking cough that wouldn't quit. I had a headache that felt like someone was trying to give me a lobotomy with no anesthesia and I guess I must have been clenching my jaw from the pain because soon my whole lower jaw felt like it needed to be unhinged. Then there was the fever, the body aches, the hallucinations. I don't know what kind of bug I had but I couldn't wait for it to leave but the glory of all that was I still refused to go the hospital even though I thought I was dying. After all, they weren't going to give me anything that I didn't already have at home. Pain meds, fluids and rest, unfortunately that wasn't all I needed.

In the end, as I lay in the emergency room with an IV in my arm, I was pumped full of antibiotics because I had developed a nasty infection (ear & eye) on top of a good bout of bronchitis. Have I learned my lesson in not self diagnosing/medicating? We'll see the next time I get sick. I really hate going to the doctor. By the way, that picture above is the walkway outside the emergency unit of the hospital I went to. For some reason I felt the need to stand outside and wait for my ride after my three hour ordeal inside. I didn't want there to be even a remote possibility that they might find something else wrong with me.

Anyhow, this all started another phase of insomnia, staying up until the wee hours of the morning and falling to sleep after I got the youngest gal off to school and sleeping until noon or later. I'm starting to believe that my insomnia may indeed be hormonally related. The one ovary the docs left me with back in 2005 seems to be doing a number on me. I'm not sure when full menopause will hit, I'm only 39 so I figure if the one ovary keeps pumping out hormones as it was designed I may not until I get in my 60's, maybe my 70's...I have no idea when it's supposed to happen. I asked my granny once, she's 82 and she told me she doesn't remember when it happened but I noticed in talking to some of my aunts who are in their mid to late 50's that we seem to have the same symptoms.

I'll admit this much, there's nothing that's been textbook about me (medically, that is). Before my hysterical (my ex-husbands play on words for hysterectomy) my doc told me that the problems I was having he had only seen in 45-50 year old women. Seems I'm aging faster on the inside than I am on the outside. It keeps life interesting that's for sure. ;-}